Doing the wrong thing

I was at the dentist's office this week and the assistant started talking to me about her son. She said he's in kindergarten and he's so good at school. She's a little surprised because she sees a naughtier side of him at home but she's glad he's good at school. His best friend, a neighbor, gets in trouble at school quite often but her son always gets to pick prizes and gets teacher praise because he does what he's supposed to. She told me she's so glad her son is a rule-follower, not like the neighbor boy. I have thought about this quite a bit. First of all, why did she tell me all of this? "Hi. Remember how I haven't seen you for 6 months and don't really know anything about you? Well, let me tell you about my son and his rule following abilities. Also, let me tell you about the neighbor, who doesn't follow the rules." That's all weird. Secondly, why do they even talk at all? I can't respond. My mouth is open and they know that. Okay, my rant is over. Her son follows the rules & she's very happy about that.

I've been simultaneously reading the book Unwind for the second time. I read it 10-12 years ago but had forgotten a lot. Now there's two more books in the series so I re-read this so I can take in the whole series and be up to speed. I liked it the first time. I liked it even better the second time. My favorite sentence of the whole book is "He will only do the wrong thing when it's the right thing to do."

I've talked a lot to my kids about following the rules and my take on it. Just this week, my boys encountered some poorly behaved children and got upset about both the kids and the parents. They said they would never have gotten away with behaving that way. That's true. Did I have expectations for their behavior? Absolutely! I asked if they think I made them follow rules straight across the board. They said no. They knew that I expected certain things and that many rules were good to follow such as keep your hands to yourself and stay close to me. However, rules were expected to be followed if they were good rules. There was wiggle room for bad rules. One example that's come up over the years involves my brother-in-law. One time when he was in high school, we got a call that he was suspended and we went immediately to be with him and support him. Somebody at school was causing trouble for a disabled kid so my bro-in-law caused trouble for the bully and got suspended for it. I remember the day as being kind of a family party, people hugging him and praising him and us all just spending time together having fun. He still got in trouble from the school. He still had a consequence. Nobody tried to take the consequence away. However, he broke the rule of never getting in a fight because protecting the disabled to him trumped not fighting. We all felt he did the right thing. When my kids tell me of a rule they want to break, I listen to them and think about what they're saying. If I see their point, I often tell them they have to decide but if they do break that rule, this or that might be the consequence. They understand that breaking rules has consequences but if they are using their brain to make the decision of whether or not to follow the rule, I want to support them because they are doing what they were raised to do. I never wanted to raise exclusive rule-followers.

I don't have a problem with people that raise their kids to follow the rules. Honestly, those are probably the kids that are much easier for me to substitute. Those kids often do well in school and at jobs and even in their social lives. There are benefits to raising rule followers. Also, parents who raise rule followers have certain life experiences and priorities that lead them down that path. It just isn't the same path for me. I have often wondered, if I lived during a time of slavery, would I have opposed it? Would I have seen the worth of the blacks in spite of hearing garbage that many others believed? What if I lived during the Nazi regime? Would I have helped the Jews? Would I have put my life on the line to do the right thing? The government legalized slavery. The government narrative was that slavery was a good system. The German government and other European entities opposed Jews. They blamed them for everything that was going wrong. They made it illegal to help and/or hide them. These are two of many examples of when the government is wrong and doing the wrong thing. There is no way to know if I would have stood up for what was right if I lived in another time and place. I do know now that I'm in an unpopular position today, opposing what the government is saying and doing. This isn't a problem isolated to one country or even a few nations. This is a world-wide narrative. We have a constitution that aims to prevent censorship but try to post real facts on social media that oppose the government narrative and see how long they remain posted. The government is blaming one group of people (the unvaxxed) for something. They are persecuting them and breeding a nation where most vaccinated citizens believe unvaccinated people deserve any suffering they get. They are creating different rules and privileges, depending on which group you belong to. Heaven help me to hang on to my convictions. I would rather do what I think is the right thing and end up wrong than to do nothing...