We Forget to Keep Track of Who our Siblings Are

Like many, I lived at home until I was 18 and then moved away for college. I came home during the summer to work and save and met my future husband so I stayed at home until I got married and I didn't go back to college at that time. During my time at home, I felt like I got to know my siblings pretty well. My sister moved out when I was only 10 but I still had 10 years of living with her. For a few of those years, we shared a room, much to her dismay. My older brother lived at home until I was 14 when he served a religious mission for 2 years and was away training for the military somewhere near that time frame. I'm not great at remembering the chronology of it but I had felt like we were close and then he was gone and it was hard to have him away. My brother that's 2 years younger than me was at home with me until I moved out so we had 16 years in the same house and then my youngest brother is 6 years younger so he was 12 when I went away to college. I had at least 10 years of living with each sibling and I would say I felt like I know them pretty well but there are a few factors that make me realize I didn't and I don't now.

Here's a really sexy picture of us in the '80s looking fly and stuff. The first thing that makes me realize I didn't know them that well was that in those stages of development, most of us were really self-centered. Our home was also more on the dysfunctional side as well so we all kind of were in our own world, just trying to survive. We were affected by what our siblings did that dipped into our world but if they were doing things that didn't affect us much, the information didn't puncture into our world. I recently remembered that my brother that's 2 years younger had hip surgery when we were teenagers but as an adult, I didn't know anything about it. I called him and asked questions. He had been on crutches for almost his entire first year of junior high-that must have been so hard!!! And yet, somehow his challenges getting through his first year of junior high on crutches had not really affected me so I didn't know much about it until I asked recently. It affected him for hundreds of days and it took me more than 3 decades to even think to ask about it.

The other thing I've come to know over the last year is that when we move out, we think we know who our siblings are but then we forget to ever get all the little updates, even if we try to stay on top of major life events. We both change drastically and because we no longer live together, we don't know how the other person is changing and we don't even realize that neither of us is the same person anymore. We still have a history that we recall from time to time and a comfort level around each other but we don't realize that in many ways, we become strangers. To this day, my sister thinks I hate pink because I hated it when we grew up. The second my daughter was born (nearly 24 years ago), I started liking pink but my sister never got that update. I once made my brother spaghetti, which he liked when we were kids, and he ate it without saying a word but I found out that when he lived in Spain, he had so much spaghetti that he didn't want to eat it anymore. I didn't ever check in enough to get the updates and he was too nice to set me straight so he choked down a difficult meal. There are so many of these details that come up! Around a year ago, my brother asked if he could move in and my husband & I had already talked about it so we said sure! I thought I knew exactly what it would be like. After all, we'd already lived together! What more did I need to know? It's a funny thing. By then we had both spent more time living away from each other than living together. We'd lived together as kids. Both of us live very differently as adults and had NOT lived together under those circumstances so we're constantly learning a lot about each other. The surprises are often delightful! I had no idea that we, on our own time, had both researched so many of the same political things.

We have read many of the same books. We have pursued many of the same interests without really having given each other updates. Now that we see each other nearly every day, this information kind of shows up unprovoked. We are interested in many of the same subjects but come across slightly different information so we often teach each other little snippets that are interesting. We read enough different books that we sometimes get summaries on more books by swapping verbal reviews. We listen to different podcasts and talk about it. We both spend our time very differently from each other and very different from how we did as kids and there are many basics that we're always coming across. I do know his favorite color, what bands he likes, and his basic sleeping habits now but I'm learning stuff every day-did he like art growing up? Does he like art now? What did he think life would be like at this age? What has surprised him the most? Was he afraid of the spiders in our childhood basement? Is he afraid of spiders now? There's been a lot of catching up to do. However, every day I'm learning from him and I still have 3 more siblings to catch up with, too. They make varying levels of time for that to occur. My brother that is just 2 years younger, is a very emotion-evoking painter that does a stunning job on his paintings!!! I had no idea that he had that talent! He did always like to craft things but I remember him making and selling weapons at the junior high and getting called into the principal's office. I didn't realize that he'd taken an interest and pivoted it into a very useful and productive skill! It's great to see what he can do but I felt surprised by it! I need to do a better job of catching up with who my siblings are as adults!

I love when people (like in this picture) recreate a childhood photo as adults. The picture proves that in spite of all the things that are the same, there are clearly many things that are different, too, and I need to do a better job of mindfully taking inventory of the changes.

Why Many Worship Options Are Important

Last night I went to a free concert in my community that featured a Baptist choir. I have always loved hearing gospel music. The church I go to does not engage in the same music style but when I was a little kid and would go to parades downtown that had gospel choirs, those were my favorite floats.

I invited a few friends who did not want to attend. I invited my family members but they didn't want to attend. I felt comfortable going alone so I did. In some ways, it was nice to just absorb and reflect. In my religion and other religions, there have been times when accusations have been made (and sometimes confirmed) that somebody was silenced. This is a sad situation that I do NOT condone.

However, this is done because of bad decisions INDIVIDUALS make. It's not a policy contained in the doctrine of Jesus Christ. I don't choose to be Christian because of sidebars and personal politics. I choose to be Christian specifically because of the doctrine of Jesus Christ. This doctrine, in spite of what some may say or do, includes basing actions on LOVE and TOLERANCE and KINDNESS. Other religions embrace these virtues as well.

I feel like being Christian means we should prioritize these attributes. I fall short but I try to. Silencing church members or manipulating them isn't following Jesus Christ. In my religion, there is an implied conduct that is more on the quiet side for worship and I'm used to it. As I watched these Baptist singers though, I deeply appreciated another way. If ever a religion seems to NOT silence the members, this would be it. They cry out and that's embraced. They look up, raise their hands to the heavens, chorus up sermons and songs with "Amens" and "Praise the Lords". Their voices are welcomed, appreciated, and joined. Nobody is hushing them or shaming them or invalidating their feelings. I could see how beautiful this is! I could feel a power in it and I loved that! However, I also thought about myself trying to worship this way and it would be disengenuine simply because it's not my style. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling out or raising my arms above my head. If these were required to show devotion, I would fail because I'm more of a practice-spirituality-in-private kind of a person that goes to great lengths NOT to draw attention to myself. I want other people, who do find this form of worship to be natural, to have a right to worship this way. I enjoy experiencing it. I just don't think it's perfect for everybody. I don't believe my form of worship is perfect for everybody. Some need to share, call out "Amen!", and maybe even need to be standing up dancing to some music and I want their rights protected. Some people find their peace, balance, and reset out in nature.

I want to support variety and individual choice and appreciate how different options can provide the most benefit for seekers of truth and wisdom. I want to condemn silencing truth both in and out of religion. That's just manipulation and it's ugly. I've been to a variety of churches over the years and I hope to gain more experiences over time.

Real Friends

I just want to write about recent life experience. We've been in our neighborhood now for just shy of 10 years. There are some great people here & we have had good experiences. However, I can undeniably say my social experience always feels like there's a clear hierarchy and I'm NOT at the top. This bothers me sometimes more than others but it's always kind of an underlying thing.

There was one exception. For a few years, we started hanging out with the neighbors right behind us and they were SO MUCH like us. The husband had an upbringing that was very similar to mine and residual family dysfunction and the wife had a relatively healthy upbringing like my husband but they were very down-to-earth, compassionate in action, funny, and easy to be around for long periods of time. They were raising their kids in similar ways to us, had similar values and priorities, and were just very good-hearted people. Our families got together at least once or twice a month, talking, eating, watching movies, or going to community events. It felt very comfortable and because we had such a good social connection with them, it was easy to ignore the whole hierarchy thing that was prevalent in the rest of the neighborhood. These amazing creatures moved 4-5 years ago.

Now they live a 2-hour drive away. We do still see them and we have a great time when we get together. We've even stayed over at their house but we only see each other once, maybe twice a year instead of every month. Because we don't hang out regularly, the hierarchy here gets to me more. I've never lived in a place where people talk more about compassion and don't act upon it at all. In our previous neighborhood, nobody talked about compassion but everybody acted with compassion on a daily basis as just part on an ingrained lifestyle. The longer our good buddies have lived away, the more obvious it has become that we just aren't on the same page as the other people that live around us. These are good people but they constantly talk about and prioritize vacations and clothes and cars and hair and participation in sports and clubs and image overall. None of these are things that matter to me. I don't prioritize them, don't fit in due to any of these things, and don't enjoy talking about them either. I'm happy that so many neighbors take a lot of vacations but sometimes my husband & I make bets about how many times we will hear about people's trips when we get together and the actual number is always higher than we predict. It's gotten to be kind of a running joke. I want a vacation as much as anybody & I enjoy vacations but there are just so many things that get more concentration and effort.

We were recently invited to a Game Night with people from our previous neighborhood. These people have invited us to many things over the last few years and I've been struggling socially overall so I've declined in succession. However, we accepted this last invitation. We went over and saw several people I haven't seen for a while now, certainly more than a year and probably closer to two years. We chatted, had snacks, and played games. It felt like my world changed in one night-I had forgotten what it was like (or that it was even achievable) to be wholly accepted exactly as we are and embraced, encouraged, and valued unconditionally. I've valued my family in these ways and have often times found moments of this in our home but have not felt it outside of our home in a very long time. I really had forgotten that it was even a possibility. Feeling this way all the time would be so healing and freeing. We ARE trying to prepare to move back closer to our previous neighborhood and this was a discussion long before the Game Night. However, Game Night made us all the more engaged in the cause. There is no guarantee that moving back to a neighborhood like this will be the same as before but it is more likely to connect with others in terms of lifestyle and priorities. I'm mostly posting this as a reminder to myself that something so incredible is possible and that I don't want to lose it. Hopefully, this will be something we can pursue this year.

Pros of not having all the information

Humanity judges harshly all the time, especially when there's not enough information to come to an informed conclusion. This is often harmful to individuals and harmful to society. However, recently I had an experience when not having enough information was helpful. I went to a particular movie. I didn't expect much. The trailer looked like it would be an interesting premise and contained some suspense. It seemed like it would be fun to go to this show. I ended up LOVING the movie, just loving it. First of all, there was a pop concert element to the movie. It was so involved that I thought the filmmaker was brilliant, that they had almost produced this whole other simultaneous movie due to how far they went to show a good and realistic pop concert.

It certainly seemed like they had done a great amount of research and had spared no expense in producing a believable concert experience while another plot unfolded in the movie at the same time. I was impressed by that. Another thing that I loved was how strong the female characters were. This is very rare. Nobody was calling attention to this fact in the movie (such as the song Speechless in the non-animated version of Aladdin, which cheapens the idea of female empowerment IMO). However, all the good and strong characters in the film are women. These women are smart, thoughtful, interesting, careful, protective, talented, and compassionate. They are believable characters.

The plot feels playful with the viewer as well. You aren't just watching things unfold. It feels like you are personally being toyed with a bit as everything unfolds, all the way through the end of the movie. This is fantastic!

I immediately encouraged others to go see this show, said there was MUCH to talk about. Nobody I talked to did go see the show. My mom tried to see it but by the time that happened, it was no longer in theaters. My oldest son hadn't wanted to see it but kept coming across some buzz online about it and changed his mind, now wanting to see it, but this was also after it stopped being in theaters. It was while I was searching for any theater it might still be in that I came across many negative reviews. I was very curious. As one responder said to these bad reviews, "You DIDN'T like it? Did we even watch the same movie?!"

I indulged in the reddit rabbit-hole. It wasn't long into this that I discovered an interesting fact: The pop star putting on the concert in the movie was the writer & producer's daughter. OH!!! The lights clicked on. When I was impressed with the concert element of the film, it wasn't because the producer researched and put their heart and soul into providing an authentic concert experience to the viewers, it was because the writer & producer wanted to showcase their own daughter's talents.

That really changed things. Now I knew the purpose of the movie was the concert and the rest of the thriller plot was thrown in so that the concert could happen. This shifts everything! Hmmm...well, I was glad that I didn't know this when I saw the movie because I liked seeing everything play out without knowing that the writer/producer and one of the main characters were father-daughter. I liked viewing the show without having all the information. Everything was more impressive that way.

Expert Opinion & Unconventional Education

What makes somebody an expert? I was reading a book recently and the author claims to have worked in the mental health field and have a PhD. Many interested readers did some research and say she didn't attend an accredited college & shouldn't be working with people in this capacity, that she's not qualified. Some readers even claim she's not qualified to share stories and offer opinions (but it was a memoir, not a mental health guidebook). This all got me thinking. The mental health profession is an area where I do think it's more important to be qualified and have a regulated education. Any kind of health profession is justified in having standard requirements.

What about economics though? I have a bachelors & masters degree in economics and a doctorate degree in political economics. I went to an unaccredited college to finish up all of these degrees. Originally, the biggest reason I went to this school was because of the affordability. I didn't care that it wasn't accredited. Finishing my degrees was something that would be meaningful to me personally and this was the best economical choice for accomplishing this. I had 3 years of college classes in accredited colleges beforehand. However, once I started getting back into school at this UNaccredited school, I was blown away with the difference, blown away in a good way. The first thing I loved was that all of the requirements for every degree were laid out and classes were taken online. I did not have to take Economics 4020 for the time period of 1 semester for example.

I knew all the information I had to read to complete the course, all the papers I had to satisfactorily write for the course, and once I completed these requirements, I would receive credit. If I got it done in one month, I would get credit for the course. If it took me a year, I would get credit for the course at that time. Interestingly enough, when working on my bachelor's degree, I knew everything that would be required for getting a masters and a doctorate at the same time. There were certain topics that really lit my fire. If I was having a very intense experience, for instance, learning about the Constitution, its history, and the affect it was having on the financial policies of our country and I completed all the requirements for my bachelors degree (Constitution 3100), I didn't have to be done with learning and put out the fire. I was not officially enrolled in the masters program yet but I knew that I could forge forward, do all the reading and write all the papers for Constitution 5100. I just saved them on my computer and kept learning all about these topics until I felt satisfied and/or ready to move on to something else. I would save all the higher level writing assignments for Constitution 5100, knowing I couldn't submit any of them until I was officially enrolled in the masters program.

Once I DID enter the masters program officially, I had a good chunk of the work completed and the same is true for once I officially entered the program for my doctorate, although there were far more rigorous assignments for the doctorate program and many things I couldn't do until I was officially in the program. Honestly, I spent about 10 hours a day on school at least 4-5 days per week and I did this for about 2 years to complete my bachelors, masters, and doctorate. Here's the thing though: the education I got cannot be beat. It was a true & pure education. I felt so passionate about all that I was learning that I regularly began and completed side research projects on most subjects that I studied. I wrote extra papers. I engaged in additional exchanges with my professor and my thirst for knowledge and my satisfaction for obtaining it was unquenchable. My professor said he's never had anybody complete the programs in the timeframe that I had so I know my experience was not the standard experience. For my thesis, I did not have to defend it in front of a panel. I had to submit it in bits & pieces and would get written feedback and had to revise accordingly until all the parts were acceptable and approved. When it came to some of the writing projects for my doctorate degree, they nearly broke me. I was at the brink of concepts my brain could really grasp and the edge of what I felt capable of academically. There were nights that I cried myself to sleep, not believing that I could finish school after all because of how challenging the subject matter was to me. After submitting many papers that were rejected, I had several very long phone calls with my professor, a man who refused to give me answers to fill in the blanks I was struggling with but would guide me to find the answers myself (which are not published in anything I could find). I'm not saying that because I was frustrated, my degrees were earned. I'm saying that the requirements were not lowered just because it was an unaccredited school. There was nothing easy about getting my degrees. There were no shortcuts.

I did not simply pay for a degree I did not put the work into. I know that this whole process and timeline is all very unconventional. I didn't plan to tell anybody about my education. I didn't plan, directly, to use it professionally. It was just a personal pursuit that was important to me. Over time and partially due to my rigorous study schedule, some people did find out about it. Of those who have found out, some have been supportive. Some have made comments that make it clear they don't believe I got a "real" education. I didn't do it in the traditional way-I understand that. Does this mean I'm disqualified from having an educated opinion? Is an accredited education the only one that qualifies somebody to be an expert? (I'm certainly not saying I am an expert, just simply asking questions about what the qualifications to be one are.) We have access to the best information on all subjects that's ever been available in human history. Are we truly only qualifying education if the information we're exposed to comes from an accredited school? It's more likely that the information we get from an accredited school is manipulated information than the information we get elsewhere. Accredited schools have agendas, sponsors, large payrolls, and so many other things affecting them. They can be amazing as well, considering industry standards, distributing information that ensures employability, and just providing overall educational standards. There are pros and cons.

I do want to mention a change in my approach to eduation, which happened in my first 3 years of school at an accredited college. I was taking history from a professor named John McCormick. He said that he would never teach us or test us on a list of dates and names because a few years down the road, we wouldn't remember any of it and it would not matter. He said he would teach us and test us on the history of ideas because that is hopefully what we'd remember long-term and that is what actually mattered. This changed my personal approach to education. I don't try to memorize the trivial things. I try to learn and incorporate the main ideas and thoughts of a subject. For instance, when it comes to economics, I don't obsess over the formulas. I have no interest in pursuing econometrics, the mathematical analytics for economics. I'm glad some people are into that but it's not for me. I am interested in our nation's views and practices in managing money and in the government's role in those practices. I'm interested in how other countries have approached these same things. I'm interested in state and federal policies and how these affect the average citizen. I'm interested in the history of inflation, not just the rates alone but what was going on politically to change inflation? How did the Federal Reserve come to be and what can we learn from deep diving into their history? They've been around now for 111 years-do they make the nation economically stronger or economically weaker? Knowing the formulas, while helpful in some ways, in my opinion will not have as profound of an affect on worldwide economics as understanding how policies in a country change the economics of a country. That's what I like to focus on.

In theory, I get paid more at my job for having higher degrees but my job does NOT recognize my degrees beyond two Associates Degrees, obtained at accredited schools. I cannot take the same pathway to become a teacher as somebody who got the same higher degrees as I got but from an accredited school. So far, professionally, my degrees do nothing for me. If I were to change jobs and bring my degrees into play, there is no standard way to approach it. In some places, an unaccredited degree is useless. In some industries, it's acceptable. Apparently, in 11 states, it's illegal to list a degree from an unaccredited college on your resume (but not in my state).

There are many offshoots to this consideration. I often go back to the question of "What is an education?" If you believe it's about learning, there is room for unconventional pathways. If you believe it's about uniformity, one strict path, or checkboxes, there is not room for unconventional pathways. If you believe being an expert means having meaningfully explored a subject matter deeply, there is room for opinions that come from people who took unconventional pathways. However, if you believe being an expert means one must have checked off all the accredited requirement boxes, there is no room for somebody with my educational background.

Man on the Moon

This is a long story so buckle up and strap in (if anybody ever actually lands here-ha ha). My neighbors stopped me last night when I was walking our dog and invited me to join in a convo with 3 other couples. One neighbor started right away with, "Do you believe that a man has really been to the moon?" I hesitatingly (because of previous experience expressing my true thoughts) answered, "I kind of DON'T believe that we've really put anybody on the moon" and she got excited because that's what her husband has recently concluded. He got excited and said, "Have you been watching the Tik Tok videos on that, too?" I joked around and said, "No. Is that where YOU get all your reliable information?" and like the special individual I am, that kind of killed that line of convo. I didn't mean it condescendingly. I meant to add some light-heartedness to a serious topic that I actually really love-mmm, conspiracy theories! Yummy! However, my execution can always use a whole lot of work.

I was overthinking about all of this, like I do. I started wondering when it was exactly that I started believing they did not really put a man on the moon and I couldn't pinpoint it but every time I hear the R.E.M. song Man on the Moon, I kind of think-ha ha, this song is clever but never did an analysis on it. Well, today was the day. I looked up the lyrics, did quick research on every topic within the song-Mott thh Hoople, Andy Kaufman, his wrestling gig and relationship with Fred Blassie and their movie, the Egyptian asp (snake), which is rumored to be the method Cleopatra used to kill herself, etc. I looked up all the things. I knew the first two chorus lines-If you believe they put a man on the moon...If you believe there's nothing up their sleeve...but I didn't even realize the chorus ends with "Then nothing is cool" so they are drawing a line in the sand for people that just believe at face value. There are so many other nods to pop culture, Elvis, people faking their own deaths, even the line, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" is based on Kurt Cobain's use of the word "yeah." I was reading R.E.M.'s comments about the song and how Mike Mills had said about Kaufman, "He's the perfect ghost to lead you through this tour of questioning things. Did the moon landing really happen? Is Elvis really dead? He was kind of an ephemeral figure at that point so he was the perfect guy to tie all this stuff together..."

I've mentioned before that I like to read things but stay for the comments. On https://www.songfacts.com/lyrics/rem/man-on-the-moon, the first comment is this story (edited to shorten slightly): Michellemiller from Buda, Texas wrote-"I was confused about truth and lies at the very beginning of Covid...My cousin visited for the first time ever and we talked about how coincidences are not coincidental at all. She went home the following day. Next day my husband and I chat for a moment as he was making his way to work about Jim Carrey and his role as Andy Kaufman in the Movie man on the Moon. Shortly after he leaves. I begin going through my books on a bookshelf and from my first Bible falls a movie ticket. It’s the stub for the movie Man on the Moon when I saw it in theaters in 1999. On the back I wrote the three people I went to see it with and the town which was Plainview, Texas. One of the names was my cousin who had just visited. I called to tell her about the coincidence..As I told her about it I shared the part that we watched it together when I visited her in Plainview. She was shocked because when she got home the night before from our visit she watched a movie with her kids, she was telling them about Jim Carrey and decided to watch Man on the Moon because she vaguely remembered enjoying it. She said she was trying to remember who she saw it with and I call her the very next day with the answer, literally pre planned 21 years earlier by no coincidence. The next day was my sons 16th birthday so with Covid in full effect we were limited to options for celebration so he decided we would order burgers from fudruckers. As we sat in the parking lot waiting for our burgers to be cooked I told him about this crazy Man on the Moon story. He was also shocked. After the story the food was ready so I went inside to pay while he added his fixings to his burger. There was music playing inside but I didn’t notice until we exited into the strange silence of Covid and no one being in public that the song on the speakers kept playing in my subconscious after we exited. It was REMs Man on the Moon. We went back inside to verify it, and in fact it was that song...One more thing, one of the first microbiologist to buck the narrative of Covid saying it’s a hoax and only real because we choosing gullibility to believe it is real claimed it has never been proven or seen under a microscope and contradicts every scientific fact regarding viruses prior to its inception. Well his name is Dr. Andy Kaufman. Dr. Kaufman is also a psychologist that clearly recognizes the manipulation being played out on a gullible world over trusting and lacking curiosity for truth. Another funny non coincidence is that Dr. Andy Kaufman’s theory is called Operation MoonShot." I looked this up and sure enough, Dr. Andrew Kaufman can be all verified with Operation Moonshot.

This is not a post taking a stand on anything. It's just a post about an interesting experience and learning journey. Also, the song to me means to question things. Don't just believe anything at face value or on the news or on social media. Look into it for yourself and a little doubt along the way is not a bad thing. Never stop asking questions! Also, did they really put a man on the moon? What do you think?

Various thoughts

I was reading the book The Parasitic Mind, which I found mediocre overall but there were a few golden nuggets to glean. These are some of my notes from it: *Pg. 96..."an increase in the extent to which one's immune system has been compromised by illness over a given time period, the more likely one is to prefer spicy foods." Basically, if somebody has struggled with immunity, they may like spicy foods more and the spices offer an antimicrobial protection against foodborne pathogens. This is an interesting idea I hope to spend more time on in the future. The book goes on to say that opposing viewpoints are like an immune system. Opposition builds strength...society is having their immunity stripped. *Pg. 100...Universities..."Today the minimization of hurt feelings among preferred groups is fundamentally more important...than the pursuit of truth. The creation of safe spaces supersedes free speech and intellectual enrichment." This is the idea that if any thoughts or beliefs are put out there that could even be interpreted as hurting anybody else's feelings, they should be abandoned to protect a safe space. Without wading through the good, the bad, and the ugly, truth becomes trickier to find and recognize. *"murder of the truth" There was a study of rape done with a presupposed outcome in mind that suggested a kind of racism. During the study, no rape occurred. That should have been great news but instead the conclusion was drawn that thse men hate these women even too much to rape them...this distorts the truth and twists a narrative into place. Also along the lines of racism, it was written, "Being kind and tolerant is a form of racism in the eco-system of the university campus." These are just ideas I've been introduced to and I want to dive in deeper when I have a chance. *Martin Luther King Jr. said, "A time comes when silence is betrayal." I think we have to know when to stand up for something. Also, MLK Jr. was a powerful example of always standing for justice with peace and love. We don't have to use hate to take a powerful stand. You can make a greater impact with love and non-violent approaches.