Real Friends

I just want to write about recent life experience. We've been in our neighborhood now for just shy of 10 years. There are some great people here & we have had good experiences. However, I can undeniably say my social experience always feels like there's a clear hierarchy and I'm NOT at the top. This bothers me sometimes more than others but it's always kind of an underlying thing.

There was one exception. For a few years, we started hanging out with the neighbors right behind us and they were SO MUCH like us. The husband had an upbringing that was very similar to mine and residual family dysfunction and the wife had a relatively healthy upbringing like my husband but they were very down-to-earth, compassionate in action, funny, and easy to be around for long periods of time. They were raising their kids in similar ways to us, had similar values and priorities, and were just very good-hearted people. Our families got together at least once or twice a month, talking, eating, watching movies, or going to community events. It felt very comfortable and because we had such a good social connection with them, it was easy to ignore the whole hierarchy thing that was prevalent in the rest of the neighborhood. These amazing creatures moved 4-5 years ago.

Now they live a 2-hour drive away. We do still see them and we have a great time when we get together. We've even stayed over at their house but we only see each other once, maybe twice a year instead of every month. Because we don't hang out regularly, the hierarchy here gets to me more. I've never lived in a place where people talk more about compassion and don't act upon it at all. In our previous neighborhood, nobody talked about compassion but everybody acted with compassion on a daily basis as just part on an ingrained lifestyle. The longer our good buddies have lived away, the more obvious it has become that we just aren't on the same page as the other people that live around us. These are good people but they constantly talk about and prioritize vacations and clothes and cars and hair and participation in sports and clubs and image overall. None of these are things that matter to me. I don't prioritize them, don't fit in due to any of these things, and don't enjoy talking about them either. I'm happy that so many neighbors take a lot of vacations but sometimes my husband & I make bets about how many times we will hear about people's trips when we get together and the actual number is always higher than we predict. It's gotten to be kind of a running joke. I want a vacation as much as anybody & I enjoy vacations but there are just so many things that get more concentration and effort.

We were recently invited to a Game Night with people from our previous neighborhood. These people have invited us to many things over the last few years and I've been struggling socially overall so I've declined in succession. However, we accepted this last invitation. We went over and saw several people I haven't seen for a while now, certainly more than a year and probably closer to two years. We chatted, had snacks, and played games. It felt like my world changed in one night-I had forgotten what it was like (or that it was even achievable) to be wholly accepted exactly as we are and embraced, encouraged, and valued unconditionally. I've valued my family in these ways and have often times found moments of this in our home but have not felt it outside of our home in a very long time. I really had forgotten that it was even a possibility. Feeling this way all the time would be so healing and freeing. We ARE trying to prepare to move back closer to our previous neighborhood and this was a discussion long before the Game Night. However, Game Night made us all the more engaged in the cause. There is no guarantee that moving back to a neighborhood like this will be the same as before but it is more likely to connect with others in terms of lifestyle and priorities. I'm mostly posting this as a reminder to myself that something so incredible is possible and that I don't want to lose it. Hopefully, this will be something we can pursue this year.