Looking Back

2 years ago today, I was with my family at Niagara Falls. I had spent a few years wanting to take my family to the Sacred Grove but didn't know how to do it financially. I can honestly say I prayed diligently about it and a way opened up. It took a lot of time and hard work, as answers often do. We fixed up a house we had been renting out and sold it and we had enough money to get a new heater/AC for the house (which is never how somebody wants to spend $17,000 but we were lucky to have a way to pay it) and we found a tour group we chose to go with to see some church history sites because we priced out going on our own and it would cost MUCH more. Our first day was amazing. We loved the falls.

We went to many church history sites and learned much. I read D&C to the kids before we went and I found much of it very unsettling, especially when it came to financial details. In my mind, I had this whole list of issues that I never had until I read all of those scriptures. I was nervous going because I had nagging concerns but the trip changed my life. Every question I had was answered and something about being there, learning about the day-to-day lives of the saints, seeing their homes, and hearing how grateful the early saints were to sacrifice for the cause made everything fall into place in a way that I could understand and appreciate. Words sometimes can't do what being there and seeing things with your own eyes can do. I had a very humbling experience. This is the kids at the Sacred Grove.

The pinnacle of our journey was going to the Sacred Grove. It meant everything to me. We had a tour guide that never shut up and made the days a little long and we struggled a bit with him. I thought things would be different for the grove. Nope. He packed a microphone in and talked for a while but did say he'd give us a little quiet time to think and reflect. I thought "Hallelujah!" Maybe 2 minutes later he started talking again and wouldn't stop. I felt really mad. Our daughter was really mad. I decided we shouldn't let him determine what our Sacred Grove experience was like so we just left the group and walked out far enough that we couldn't hear him anymore and we had our own Sacred Grove moments. Eventually, people in the group left the main site and were walking around and we went back when it was quiet and peaceful. I had imagined lots of quiet time for reflection and a certain reverence about the whole experience. It wasn't so much that.

Hearing him drone on constantly with no quiet time to absorb and process was not a good fit for me. In the moment, the trip was not very enjoyable overall. Every day was exhausting. I cried on the plane ride home and wondered why that had to be my experience there and the experience my kids had when I had been hoping to help them with their testimonies. Now that it's been 2 years, I can see the trip very differently. First of all, the Sacred Grove experience just plain wasn't ideal. There is no way around that. However, I realized that most of the revelations and experiences Joseph Smith had were FAR from ideal and that never thwarted anything. I thought about the little ways over the years that I've gotten and strengthened my testimony and most of it is not ideal. Testimonies are born in poor and undesirable conditions. Not only can I make peace with what our experience turned out to be like, I'm genuinely grateful for it.

I was overwhelmed with information at the time but now as I look back, I remember quite a bit. We saw where Angel Moroni appeared to Joseph in his home. We sat in the School of the Prophets. Not only did we tour the Kirtland Temple but we talked to a couple of religious leaders there (that are like our quorum of the 70) and had fantastic and enlightening conversations. We saw the home Emma Smith came from and several of the places she lived after marrying Joseph. We saw the Grandin Printing Press, where the first Book of Mormons were printed. We went to Harmony, Pennsylvania and saw where the Aaronic Priesthood was restored. We went to where it's believed the Melchizedek Priesthood was restored. We stood on the banks of the Susquehanna River and even got to stop and enjoy a brief time in Amish Country. It was an incredible experience to have had! We went to the Hill Cumorah and my boys rolled down the hill. A group of youth was there and some of them rolled down the hill and even complained about getting grass stains and I loved that! I can't believe our trip was 2 years ago but I'm so glad we had the chance to do it and even though I wasn't thrilled at the time, in the long-run it became a memorable thing to have done.