High School Completion-Check

My oldest son has never liked school. I taught him pre-school and I have pictures of him on the first day sticking colored pencils up his nose instead of working on anything. We both laughed about that and had a fun time. I adapted his education to him, knowing he didn't want something traditional, which my daughter had really enjoyed & taken well to. For him, I didn't plan a bunch of things ahead of time. I'd just ask him what he wanted to learn about and teach him on the fly. We did less assignments and projects and more discussions & experiences. I really like to plan ahead and be prepared so this was a challenge for me but I could tell it was much better for him so that's how we did it. He really thrived in elementary school. He didn't always finish everything or turn everything in but he was happy. He had many friends. He didn't love assignments but he adapted to the school environment well. He also surprised me by always performing with so much "oomph." He'd sing & dance his little heart out. He got to junior high and it was a nightmare.

He struggled to adjust and felt stressed everyday. His nerves affect his health a lot so he was often throwing up because of nerves and would fight me all the time about going to school. I remember days that I walked around the car at the drop off and kind of pulled him out and told him I'd pull him into school if that's what it took. I didn't like doing that but he was 12 years old-it was a little early to be dropping out. I'd worry about it and look for solutions and cry and not know what else to do.

For 8th grade, my sis-in-law introduced us to a cool hybrid school system. It was supposed to be homeschooling mostly but with 1 1/2 days of meeting up with other kids for school stuff. Really early into it, they hadn't worked out the kinks for junior high students so they dropped the junior high full learning day. He only got to do the 1/2 day per week of different extracurriculars and there weren't many students his age there but at least it gave him something and we quit having the fight of getting him to school. For 9th grade, once the state bans parents from being in charge of curriculum for credit, I knew he would struggle to be at school all day so we found out how to do most classes at home but he went in for a few classes. He never loved going in but it was easier to drop him off and say, "See ya in 2 1/2 hours" than "good luck with a whole day here." He seemed to get along with some of the friends he'd had before & I was glad he got to see them a bit. He was having a lot of health problems so I felt like we had extra reasons for him not to be at school all the time. I don't know how much the stress of being at school contributed to the health issues.

For 10th grade, we signed him up for a full day but changed it the first week to some classes at school and some packets because he just struggled too much to be at school all day. He didn't like doing the work at home either though so it strained our relationship as I was always pushing him to get work done.

If I had just pulled him out of school and stopped caring about high school credit, he would have been willing to learn. He's smart and interested in many things but the strict boundaries of learning certain ways and doing typical assignments are not his cup of tea. I should have done that but I didn't. I was afraid that I would be destroying his future. This year is his junior year. To say school has been a struggle and never-ending battle is an understatement. My son did some in-person classes but most of them allowed him to just do most days online and hardly ever have to go into school because of Covid. This was what seemed to be an insurmountable challenge. We barely pulled through the first semester and then dropped a few of the most ridiculous classes to do packets instead. He was put into a half-day law enforcement program at the college and had been looking forward to it but it wasn't the right fit for him. We looked at all the ways dropping the program would affect his schedule and talked to his school counselor. My son wanted to drop out.

He'd been telling me he wanted to drop out for years and I knew this was coming and a long time ago even realized I wouldn't mind if he left traditional school and got his GED but right there in the moment I panicked and felt afraid of ruining his future. However, we couldn't come up with a reasonable plan with the school counselor and I knew that his time and mental health were not being optimized at all and I agreed to let him leave school. He officially withdrew a month and a half ago. We started pursuing a GED. It was a whole new nightmare trying to figure out how to get started, who to talk to, how to get the right forms, how to gather all the signatures we need for the forms, who to submit the forms to, etc. Every day, we'd call or e-mail at least somebody and usually get sent in a loop, never leading to answers.

Eventually & with persistence, things were lined up and started. The first 2 GED tests were done at home but then weird technical issues forced us to schedule his last 2 tests in person. He took them this morning, passed everything with flying colors right by the college-ready level (which does prove another year in school would have been a total waste of time), and was sent a diploma and transcripts. I feel a little ashamed of my resistance to let him leave and only wish I had let him do it sooner. He will be happier and have so much weight off his shoulders.

I have tried to learn and grow in the field of education. I feel I've been open-minded about it and have tried to adapt and embrace non-traditional approaches but I could have done much better with all of my kids!!! There's nothing I can do now to go back but hopefully there are great things ahead for a new high school finisher.

Hesitant Compassion

Compassion is a beautiful trait I strive to have more of. There's something lately that made me more aware of ways I hesitate to practice compassion.

A woman in our neighborhood suddenly had some pretty intense physical challenges and a sign-up was sent around to provide dinners. I love this lady and these opportunities go fast so I immediately started to sign up but I had to commit to what I would bring and that sent my mind reeling quickly. I have some ideas about what my family likes but everybody's so different that I had many doubts about what I could make that somebody else would like. I started thinking about not finishing the sign up because I was scared maybe I can't cook anything she would like. I thought I could probably do okay making rice bowls and that I've made them in groups several times in the last 2 years and usually everybody has really liked them. Ingredients could be separate: rice, different veggies (I found a really yummy way to make broccoli and played it safe with pan-fried carrots), and steak.

When the day came, I added a jar of mild Korean barbecue sauce we like, made egg rolls for the side and added a couple kinds of treats. I had felt better about doing it once I committed to a food to bring but as the day arrived, I was really nervous. It's all self-doubt. I've been cooking since I was a teenager. It's not like I never cook but when it's going to people I don't know very well, I just start worrying about if what I'm capable of is adequate. I also always feel a little weird and like I don't really fit in so then I start wondering, what if this meal is so strange to her that it puts her over the edge on how she feels about me? She might think, "I thought she was a little weird but this??? Wow! This girl is fully crazy for sure!" I know that these are irrational thoughts but I still have them and I still worry and get so anxious. I realized I do this nearly every time I'm going to take somebody dinner, even extended family members. I hesitate to take dinners and sometimes don't, not because I don't like people or want to help, but because of my own self-doubts. I hope I can find a way to stop doing this so much. I don't want to not help just because of my own thought patterns. There is a happy lesson for me to learn from this particular instance. I tried to make things look nice so that even if she didn't like the food, she would know that we care. I put everything on a really cute tray and added a little vase of flowers and a card. She was the nicest about everything! This week she texted me updates about her recent doctor visit. This made me feel like maybe there's a new connection a little bit and that this opens a door to get to know each other a little better.

I hope I can focus more on finding ways to reach out to others without hesitating because of my doubts about myself.