Some thoughts that aren't very organized...

I started reading Skip College, a book by Connor Boyack. When I got through the first chapter, which is written by John Taylor Gatto, I learned how we got the school system we have today. I learned the intended purpose was to produce obedient soldiers. It's well written but frustrating to fully consider.

As I did think about the things written and felt them ring true, I considered other things going on in my life. I considered our older children, their fights with the education system, employment, & independence. Our daughter moved out to live with a roommate. She enjoys her independence, especially not having to follow our house rules. This is giving her an opportunity to make her own rules and live according to her own thoughts and convictions. I want this for her.

She was also having some personality clashes with some family members. Sometimes these clashes affect us all because we're all there to feel the tension. This is often a larger part of family dynamics. However, things have been so rough for her financially. I don't have the perfect solution for her. She's always welcome to live here rent free with meals & it can ease some economical burdens but that alone might not best meet all of her current needs & wants. My son is sneaking into adulthood & considering his future. He has mentioned wanting to live at home for a while to save up but still wanting to move out to live on his own eventually. He's in less of a hurry to get out than my daughter.

For me growing up, I had conflicts with my dad that pushed me toward a need for independence and I went away to college right off. I wanted to be with my mom longer and I was trying to make careful financial decisions so I ended up with my parents for a bit after I got divorced. I did end up moving out as soon as I had a sound chance to do so & I really enjoyed living on my own with my daughter. These are just some of the personal circumstances that I consider as I really look to the bigger picture of understanding reasons for independence but wondering if extended families are meant to stay together in units as in days gone by???

Do the benefits of independence outweight the consequences of separation? Historically speaking, extended families have stayed together for far longer than they've separated. Even olden-day circumstances result in separation at times such as when Cain & his family departed for good from the rest of Adam & Eve's family. There are times when it's necessary for a split but there seems to be many benefits from staying together. Some people don't have the drive to go out and do everything it takes to make it on their own. I'm not talking about people unwilling to work who just want to be supported by others but people who do work hard but enjoy the community of extended family.

If people don't have the desire to just completely split, is that really so wrong or is it just fine to stay close to an ongoing support system for the long haul? To live long-term in an extended family scenario, there would be some basic principles for success. It takes boundaries, communication, and healthy life management tactics to build a utopian family setting, which never goes perfectly for any family. Families that can't do this and cause more damage than help wouldn't be the right fit. I guess I'm doing a poor job of expressing my thoughts with clarity so I will try one more time to summarize. I read about early education and it had a purpose of spreading ideas of "how life should be lived", using the education system to sell a proposed model of what life should be like. It wasn't the perfect model and it didn't derive from pure motives but it was presented, embraced, and implemented successfully. People are now being taught in school and in society "how life should be lived." One thing that is strongly pushed today is for people to live independently. There's this idea that becoming an adult means moving away from your family to make it on your own.

I just wonder how much of "how life should be lived" is propaganda. Why should families have to separate and live on their own? Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it does more harm than good but often times it can create a loving environment and sense of community that I think many kids miss out on today. Independence is sometimes just a form of separation, which creates isolation and loneliness. As my own children head into adulthood, their personalities, thoughts, and preferences are the main framework for how independently they do or will choose to live. However, if they ever do choose to embrace lingering in an extended family situation, I would want to view it as a strength and just one more way things can be done, not as a weakness that means they're not strong enough to branch out on their own.