Oh yeah, this other thing about working...

There was one other thing I had been wanting to write about. I've been a substitute teacher for more than 10 years. I have had a couple other jobs along the way, the longest of which was working for the post office for 6 months during Covid when schools shut down. I was ready to hang up my hat when I went to work for a sandwich shop last month but as soon as I realized that wouldn't work out, I found some substituting jobs right away that worked with my schedule. I just got back on that horse so to speak, with it technically causing no disruptions in my employment status with the school district. Last year my district sent an e-mail about giving us pins for years of service-1 year, 5 year, 10 years, and some others-those were the ones I qualified for. I just filled out the request to get them and didn't think about it again. They called me in November to come to the district office to pick up but I got busy with various things and then figured I'd waited too long to pick them up so I never went in for them. About a week & a half ago, they called me again and asked me to come pick up the pin and I was working that day but said I could come in the next week (which was last week). They only told me to go to the district offices. If you're a full-time teacher, they'll send them to your school but if you're a substitute, you have to track down your own pins. I went into the offices on Wednesday. The first receptionist I talked to said she hadn't been left any pins for me but she'd make some calls and I had to fill in this whole big check-in request to be able to talk to anybody else or go anywhere else in the building. I got that all filled in and she said she called somebody who was willing to come bring me a pin but I was lightly reprimanded as she told me I was supposed to fill out a request online. I told her I had filled out the request online and had been called just a few days earlier to come pick it up. She told me to go to Human Resources and check with them. I went there and talked to another receptionist who got upset with me right away. She was mad I even came in there asking about it and I said the other receptionist had sent me. She told me to wait there and went and talked to another person in Human Resources that I could also hear get upset. They both insisted on walking me back to the other receptionist, chewing me out along the way and telling me I was supposed to fill out a form online, which I had done and which is what got me in this whole mess to start with. They got mad at the other receptionist for sending me into their office and then she was more upset with me because of that, even though I had only been doing as everybody so far had instructed me. The lady who had been called who had said she could bring me a pin showed up, reprimanding me again for not filling out a form online. I tried to tell her I had done that but at this point I was just thinking about how little I care about service pins and how much I care about getting out of this horrible place!!! This lady chews me out and then flips a switch, smiles, and says, "Well, here's your pin-thank you for your service!" and hands me the pin and that's that. This pin was NOT worth getting chewed out by 4 people for on one of my days off work. The offices are far away from anywhere I normally go so I had a long drive back home to think about this. It was pretty indicative of what my experience as a substitute teacher for this district has been like. There have been a handful of teachers over the years that have gone out of their way to be kind and supportive to me and they will never know just how much that has meant. There are a few administrators at a few schools that I have had a lovely experience with and adore. Overall, it has been a chaotic shuffle around to schools where I get an earful about things I haven't actually done wrong and I get treated like a nuisance and a pest as I come in to supervise hundreds of kids who pull out all their latest and greatest tricks, trying to get away with something while there's a substitute. Because I recently applied for an administrative job at a school nearby, I found out that even though I've worked for the district for over 10 years, they don't consider substitutes internal employees and they don't want us to have any advantages in applying for other jobs in the district. We're held to a higher dress code standard than teachers and we get blamed for things that go wrong on days we're at the school, even if those things have nothing to do with us. I've loved the flexibility of the job schedule but I'm definitely feeling like I need to re-think some life choices here. If this is the way the district "rewards" employees, I never want to be rewarded again!

Tying up Loose Ends

There are 3 things I want to write about and without further adieu... 1. I had a job in a sandwich shop. I thought I would get out of the education business and work in a sandwich shop. A new, high quality family-owned shop opened within walking distance and I thought that would be far less responsibility and headache than being in charge of on-average 30 students at a time so I went for it. It was a huge pay cut and I thought, "This is probably mostly a job for high-schoolers" so I didn't think there would be a LOT of employees my age there. Yeah, I was a couple decades older than any employees other than the owners. There were very strong pros and cons that I just want to note. A downside is that I REALLY struggled with maintaining my identity while working there. They gave me a LOT of hours, way more than I wanted and it felt like I was always at work. While at work, our hair always has to be pulled back. Our nails always had to be really short. Also, there was a protocol for doing almost every task there. They do not want us coming up with our own ways of doing anything. We were not allowed to use our phones at all. When I'm there for 7-8 hours at a time, with my hair pulled all back (which is almost never a way I wear it by choice) and I'm just going through tasks that are very regulated and I can't communicate with anybody outside of that place for the whole time (oh yeah, no breaks by the way), I really started to struggle to feel like a person. I'd come home tired and then needed to do many of the things I normally fit into the time I'd been gone and it was just draining. That would not have been sustainable to my mental health but there are a lot of pros and I'd rather talk about that. I had a job in a sandwich shop when I was 16 years old, at Schlotzsky's Deli. When I was first hired, they scheduled me for a variety of different things. I was a great student and good at memorizing things. I'd cram for tests at the last minute and ace them all the time. I'd been sent home with a list of sandwiches and what goes on each of them but for some reason, I could NOT recall sandwich toppings. I was SO SLOW at making sandwiches!!! It was painful for me and painful for the other employees. I still remember another guy my age, named Joe, who begged our manager, Rich, to never let me make sandwiches again and we were both relieved when that never happened. I mostly ended up doing front-of-the-restaurant things-cashiering, cleaning the dining room & restrooms, stocking everything a customer would see, and all of that stuff. Going to make sandwiches almost 30 years later is a whole different experience. My memory is definitely not what it used to be and yet I've had years of practice of making lots of people foods in customized ways at home. Now I found sandwich-making a breeze and I got really fast at it and now I was the one impatient and frustrated when the other employees struggled to pick it up. Also, at my age, I'm much more confident and don't need a lot of direction or approval. It feels much better to operate with confidence instead of wondering all the time if the boss thinks I'm doing okay. I love the owners! It's a father & his wife and their son & his wife that own it and they are wonderful people that really put their heart & soul into the place. I've used a lot of past-tense verbs here so it's probably no surprise that I don't still work there. It was a very physical job and I liked that overall but I'm still recovering from a car accident and the routine would have made recovering fully impossible so for now, I'm back in the education business after all. I'm glad I had the chance to go give something else a try though. I mostly found it to be a good experience but I don't think I could have stayed there for years. 2. This is a petty complaint but seriously, what is up with all of the selling on the shows we have casually watched over the years?! Everything from Good Morning, America to Entertainment Tonight. They used to be a kind of burst of pop-culture-y news and entertainment but now there are dedicated segments to present a bunch of crap they want you to buy. They always say it's on sale-"deal of the century" and all that jazz-but that's just marketing. We already see commercials and get bombarded with stuff people want us to buy. I HATE that part of the show is direct selling. The shows aren't that valuable to start with and I've never been a regular watcher. It just makes me not want to watch at all. It's not worth it to hear about the Kardashians, who I don't care about in the first place. Even our local news shows will sometimes present several "deals of the day" and sell garbage there, too. Good thing I don't watch mainstream news much these days either. 3. Finally, I just went to the A.I. Doc movie tonight, which actually cost a lot to see in the theater. The ticket price didn't sound too bad for a Friday Night Flick so I started checking out and then with the fees & taxes, each ticket was close to 50% more than the original ticket price!!! Yikes! Unfortunately, it wasn't worth all the moo-lah. The director was dealing with his existential crisis related to A.I. and it's role in the world as he learned he would soon become a father for the first time. After nearly 2 hours, that's the journey we went on was his existential crisis, not a deeper understanding of A.I. or technology or the people running the main operations with AGI. They interviewed the biggest names in A.I. in the country and what did we really learn from the interviews in this movie? Nothing! A.I. could be good. A.I. could be bad-that's pretty much the broken record message most experts said in various forms but we didn't really gain understanding. Don't most of us know that already before watching the movie? I don't need an expert to tell me this. If I had an expert available to interview, I would want to know what ethical battles they've personally faced in the race to the A.I. domination. I would want to know how their views have changed and about if and how any of their boundaries with technology have changed. Walk us through the ways that you, as an expert, have navigated the complications of the ever-changing tech. I would want to know how their projects or experiences with A.I. have changed their relationships, whether professionally or personally. There are all kinds of things I would want to know but I would never say, "The whole A.I. thing-is it good or is it bad?" and get their diplomatic answer to that simple and meaningless question and say, "Ok. Thanks for the interview." There are many movies that are really just somebody exploring how they feel about something. I am usually a little annoyed when I realize a movie is pretty much just that-somebody exploring their own feelings about a certain thing. However, I find it far more offensive when it's done with a documentary!!! I expect more. There's a certain amount I want to learn and grow from a documentary and none of that happened with this one. Probably most people are not rushing out to see this show. There were 6 other people in the theater with us and that's probably telling. However, if somebody is considering it, I would not recommend it. A.I. could have written a better documentary itself-ha! That's the real irony there. That covers my loose ends for now.

Reuben snob

I have been a bit of a reuben snob. For many years, I've hated pastrami. It seemed really gross to me (I thought of it as a dirty meat) and when we would go someplace with a reuben sandwich (which I love), I would ask if they use pastrami or corned beef. If they use pastrami, I would order something completely different and steer clear of eating that, even if it was recommended and they'd say, "Our reuben is so good!" Pastrami was a deal breaker. I spent a small amount of time recently working in a sandwich shop. I was there when they've taken their big hunks of meat and slice them in house and portion them out for sandwiches so I saw that all the meat is a very high quality meat. As I made sandwiches for customers, the pastrami started looking so tempting to me!!! I caved and finally just tried a pastrami sandwich on their very soft and delicious ciabatta bread and it was HEAVENLY!!! There were so many tasty options but once I tried the pastrami, I didn't think I could order anything different for a while. I really like the store owners and other employees and was learning a lot and getting into a flow for the work days there but I'm also still recovering from a car accident. I realized pretty quickly that I would not be able to keep that job and still progress in my recovering so I had to part ways with the job. During this last week that I didn't go into the sandwich shop, I started doing lots of research on pastrami. I found out it's not drastically different than corned beef and I had not even ever known that it was beef as well. That would have made a difference to know. I've tried buying some items at various grocery stores to recreate this sandwich I'm obsessed with. I haven't found an identical substitute yet but I've had some pretty good sandwiches. I also had a reuben last night that's made with a pastrami that's flown in from a New York deli and that was very tasty. My days of being a reuben snob are over now & I can't wait to make up for lost time!

Called to Witness

I've been reading about the disappearance & murder of Ashley Pond & Miranda Gaddis from Oregon. It led me to another docu, Ghosts of Highway 20, as well. With Ashley and Miranda, there were many people in the community that would never give up searching for them and finding their killer-friends, family, community members that had never even met them before, and law enforcement members. To this day, there are many who cover this story still and keep that little light of these young girls burning even when somebody evil tried to fade it out. I was incredibly touched by Byron Pickle, the brother of Rachanda Pickle, who was murdered as well as Bart Swanson, the brother of Sheila Swanson, who was murdered. These two men have spent decades trying to find justice for their sisters and keeping the memories of these loved ones alive. With Byron, nobody else initially affected by this murder was by his side for the full legal battle. He went to court essentially alone (his mom didn't go and didn't emotionally support him. Even though he was also abused by her boyfriend, his mom doesn't even acknowledge all the proven things that have happened) and made the decision alone of whether to let an evil man plead for a deal or to take the whole thing to trial. With Swanson, he has made all these journeys to the spot where his sister died just to be closer to her, to remember, to keep himself in line with the goal he set for himself to make her the focus of his life once she was gone. There are holes in hearts and emotions that are still close to the surface after all this time. You can see this takes a heavy toll on these people but they feel the weight of their call to witness. They witness the lives lost and carry young legacies that were stifled too soon. I felt very inspired by their commitment. I believe I've asked it before but I circle back around to it again-who or what is it that I have a call to witness? Am I doing it? I do not know. This is different for each of us & I may be on to my path as a witness & I may not but I don't think it hurts to stop and reflect on this from time to time. I appreciate all those who are called to witness someone or something under difficult circumstances but they refuse to turn away or take the easy path. It's a beautiful sacrifice to see that people put burdens on themselves that simply verify those things that would otherwise go unnoticed or invalidated.

Not Meant For This World

Times are tough. Life is rough. I have struggled deeply to find joy. I have worked so hard to be "normal", to help my kids have a "normal" experience. I know much of what I experienced wasn't that and I fantasized about how beautiful it would be to just be normal and have a normal life. I always thought if it didn't happen for me but could somehow happen for my kids that everything would balance out. I have tried and there's been progress made but there is much lacking yet. For one thing, when you really struggle, especially at a young age, sometimes you develop convictions that you can't ignore that force you NOT to be normal, that force you to teach your kids to not be normal. Also, I have not always had empathy for others. I was just in survival mode for a while but as I got older, I began to feel increasing amounts of empathy for others. I cry too much from feeling what other people feel. Sometimes they don't even want me to feel that or know that I feel that and sometimes I don't want to feel it but when I start to understand somebody's situation, I just feel deeply and can't turn it off and it makes me a little weird. Lately I've been thinking about how many times my family members are in situations where the cards are stacked against us. I can see a lot of effort going in but there's rarely the pay-off that we hope for, the pay-off that we dream of. No matter how much work is put in, the outcome is so often out of our control. There are others I see in the same boat, more and more people that have come to my attention. These are good people, the best people, that work and work and have admirable values and quietly try to share and instill those same values in those around them and they just can't seem to catch a break. I'm rooting them on and I'm hoping and praying that something will change so I can see them get to a place that makes it easier for them and easier for me to hope. Most of the time, that break never comes. I guess there's something valuable in this. People all around are STRUGGLING hard every day and they aren't catching breaks and they don't give up and they don't give in. Sure, they have down days that they just aren't feeling all of everything but they don't let it stop them from putting another foot down in front of the other and keep going. It gets windy, life messes with their balance, sometimes they even get knocked right down and they keep going. I feel love & gratitude for this and I wish there were a way to tell them that when they keep going, I have to as well. If they aren't giving up, I can't give up!!! But I still don't understand!!! And I get upset about all of this! I mentioned this to a close family friend yesterday and he said, "Not everybody is made for this world. If we're comfortable here, that's the reward. If we're uncomfortable here, that means that we're ultimately meant for something else and something better. I would rather be uncomfotable here." I don't know. I'm simmering on these things, unsure ultimately of what to make of them, unsure of how to fully feel peace, unsure of a lot of things. The thing that comes with certainty though is that countless good people struggle and many of them keep going in spite of any and all obstacles. The human spirit is a beautiful and incalculable entity. I do see miracles and sometimes the miracle is simply in the people that don't give up.

We Forget to Keep Track of Who our Siblings Are

Like many, I lived at home until I was 18 and then moved away for college. I came home during the summer to work and save and met my future husband so I stayed at home until I got married and I didn't go back to college at that time. During my time at home, I felt like I got to know my siblings pretty well. My sister moved out when I was only 10 but I still had 10 years of living with her. For a few of those years, we shared a room, much to her dismay. My older brother lived at home until I was 14 when he served a religious mission for 2 years and was away training for the military somewhere near that time frame. I'm not great at remembering the chronology of it but I had felt like we were close and then he was gone and it was hard to have him away. My brother that's 2 years younger than me was at home with me until I moved out so we had 16 years in the same house and then my youngest brother is 6 years younger so he was 12 when I went away to college. I had at least 10 years of living with each sibling and I would say I felt like I know them pretty well but there are a few factors that make me realize I didn't and I don't now.

Here's a really sexy picture of us in the '80s looking fly and stuff. The first thing that makes me realize I didn't know them that well was that in those stages of development, most of us were really self-centered. Our home was also more on the dysfunctional side as well so we all kind of were in our own world, just trying to survive. We were affected by what our siblings did that dipped into our world but if they were doing things that didn't affect us much, the information didn't puncture into our world. I recently remembered that my brother that's 2 years younger had hip surgery when we were teenagers but as an adult, I didn't know anything about it. I called him and asked questions. He had been on crutches for almost his entire first year of junior high-that must have been so hard!!! And yet, somehow his challenges getting through his first year of junior high on crutches had not really affected me so I didn't know much about it until I asked recently. It affected him for hundreds of days and it took me more than 3 decades to even think to ask about it.

The other thing I've come to know over the last year is that when we move out, we think we know who our siblings are but then we forget to ever get all the little updates, even if we try to stay on top of major life events. We both change drastically and because we no longer live together, we don't know how the other person is changing and we don't even realize that neither of us is the same person anymore. We still have a history that we recall from time to time and a comfort level around each other but we don't realize that in many ways, we become strangers. To this day, my sister thinks I hate pink because I hated it when we grew up. The second my daughter was born (nearly 24 years ago), I started liking pink but my sister never got that update. I once made my brother spaghetti, which he liked when we were kids, and he ate it without saying a word but I found out that when he lived in Spain, he had so much spaghetti that he didn't want to eat it anymore. I didn't ever check in enough to get the updates and he was too nice to set me straight so he choked down a difficult meal. There are so many of these details that come up! Around a year ago, my brother asked if he could move in and my husband & I had already talked about it so we said sure! I thought I knew exactly what it would be like. After all, we'd already lived together! What more did I need to know? It's a funny thing. By then we had both spent more time living away from each other than living together. We'd lived together as kids. Both of us live very differently as adults and had NOT lived together under those circumstances so we're constantly learning a lot about each other. The surprises are often delightful! I had no idea that we, on our own time, had both researched so many of the same political things.

We have read many of the same books. We have pursued many of the same interests without really having given each other updates. Now that we see each other nearly every day, this information kind of shows up unprovoked. We are interested in many of the same subjects but come across slightly different information so we often teach each other little snippets that are interesting. We read enough different books that we sometimes get summaries on more books by swapping verbal reviews. We listen to different podcasts and talk about it. We both spend our time very differently from each other and very different from how we did as kids and there are many basics that we're always coming across. I do know his favorite color, what bands he likes, and his basic sleeping habits now but I'm learning stuff every day-did he like art growing up? Does he like art now? What did he think life would be like at this age? What has surprised him the most? Was he afraid of the spiders in our childhood basement? Is he afraid of spiders now? There's been a lot of catching up to do. However, every day I'm learning from him and I still have 3 more siblings to catch up with, too. They make varying levels of time for that to occur. My brother that is just 2 years younger, is a very emotion-evoking painter that does a stunning job on his paintings!!! I had no idea that he had that talent! He did always like to craft things but I remember him making and selling weapons at the junior high and getting called into the principal's office. I didn't realize that he'd taken an interest and pivoted it into a very useful and productive skill! It's great to see what he can do but I felt surprised by it! I need to do a better job of catching up with who my siblings are as adults!

I love when people (like in this picture) recreate a childhood photo as adults. The picture proves that in spite of all the things that are the same, there are clearly many things that are different, too, and I need to do a better job of mindfully taking inventory of the changes.

Why Many Worship Options Are Important

Last night I went to a free concert in my community that featured a Baptist choir. I have always loved hearing gospel music. The church I go to does not engage in the same music style but when I was a little kid and would go to parades downtown that had gospel choirs, those were my favorite floats.

I invited a few friends who did not want to attend. I invited my family members but they didn't want to attend. I felt comfortable going alone so I did. In some ways, it was nice to just absorb and reflect. In my religion and other religions, there have been times when accusations have been made (and sometimes confirmed) that somebody was silenced. This is a sad situation that I do NOT condone.

However, this is done because of bad decisions INDIVIDUALS make. It's not a policy contained in the doctrine of Jesus Christ. I don't choose to be Christian because of sidebars and personal politics. I choose to be Christian specifically because of the doctrine of Jesus Christ. This doctrine, in spite of what some may say or do, includes basing actions on LOVE and TOLERANCE and KINDNESS. Other religions embrace these virtues as well.

I feel like being Christian means we should prioritize these attributes. I fall short but I try to. Silencing church members or manipulating them isn't following Jesus Christ. In my religion, there is an implied conduct that is more on the quiet side for worship and I'm used to it. As I watched these Baptist singers though, I deeply appreciated another way. If ever a religion seems to NOT silence the members, this would be it. They cry out and that's embraced. They look up, raise their hands to the heavens, chorus up sermons and songs with "Amens" and "Praise the Lords". Their voices are welcomed, appreciated, and joined. Nobody is hushing them or shaming them or invalidating their feelings. I could see how beautiful this is! I could feel a power in it and I loved that! However, I also thought about myself trying to worship this way and it would be disengenuine simply because it's not my style. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling out or raising my arms above my head. If these were required to show devotion, I would fail because I'm more of a practice-spirituality-in-private kind of a person that goes to great lengths NOT to draw attention to myself. I want other people, who do find this form of worship to be natural, to have a right to worship this way. I enjoy experiencing it. I just don't think it's perfect for everybody. I don't believe my form of worship is perfect for everybody. Some need to share, call out "Amen!", and maybe even need to be standing up dancing to some music and I want their rights protected. Some people find their peace, balance, and reset out in nature.

I want to support variety and individual choice and appreciate how different options can provide the most benefit for seekers of truth and wisdom. I want to condemn silencing truth both in and out of religion. That's just manipulation and it's ugly. I've been to a variety of churches over the years and I hope to gain more experiences over time.

Real Friends

I just want to write about recent life experience. We've been in our neighborhood now for just shy of 10 years. There are some great people here & we have had good experiences. However, I can undeniably say my social experience always feels like there's a clear hierarchy and I'm NOT at the top. This bothers me sometimes more than others but it's always kind of an underlying thing.

There was one exception. For a few years, we started hanging out with the neighbors right behind us and they were SO MUCH like us. The husband had an upbringing that was very similar to mine and residual family dysfunction and the wife had a relatively healthy upbringing like my husband but they were very down-to-earth, compassionate in action, funny, and easy to be around for long periods of time. They were raising their kids in similar ways to us, had similar values and priorities, and were just very good-hearted people. Our families got together at least once or twice a month, talking, eating, watching movies, or going to community events. It felt very comfortable and because we had such a good social connection with them, it was easy to ignore the whole hierarchy thing that was prevalent in the rest of the neighborhood. These amazing creatures moved 4-5 years ago.

Now they live a 2-hour drive away. We do still see them and we have a great time when we get together. We've even stayed over at their house but we only see each other once, maybe twice a year instead of every month. Because we don't hang out regularly, the hierarchy here gets to me more. I've never lived in a place where people talk more about compassion and don't act upon it at all. In our previous neighborhood, nobody talked about compassion but everybody acted with compassion on a daily basis as just part on an ingrained lifestyle. The longer our good buddies have lived away, the more obvious it has become that we just aren't on the same page as the other people that live around us. These are good people but they constantly talk about and prioritize vacations and clothes and cars and hair and participation in sports and clubs and image overall. None of these are things that matter to me. I don't prioritize them, don't fit in due to any of these things, and don't enjoy talking about them either. I'm happy that so many neighbors take a lot of vacations but sometimes my husband & I make bets about how many times we will hear about people's trips when we get together and the actual number is always higher than we predict. It's gotten to be kind of a running joke. I want a vacation as much as anybody & I enjoy vacations but there are just so many things that get more concentration and effort.

We were recently invited to a Game Night with people from our previous neighborhood. These people have invited us to many things over the last few years and I've been struggling socially overall so I've declined in succession. However, we accepted this last invitation. We went over and saw several people I haven't seen for a while now, certainly more than a year and probably closer to two years. We chatted, had snacks, and played games. It felt like my world changed in one night-I had forgotten what it was like (or that it was even achievable) to be wholly accepted exactly as we are and embraced, encouraged, and valued unconditionally. I've valued my family in these ways and have often times found moments of this in our home but have not felt it outside of our home in a very long time. I really had forgotten that it was even a possibility. Feeling this way all the time would be so healing and freeing. We ARE trying to prepare to move back closer to our previous neighborhood and this was a discussion long before the Game Night. However, Game Night made us all the more engaged in the cause. There is no guarantee that moving back to a neighborhood like this will be the same as before but it is more likely to connect with others in terms of lifestyle and priorities. I'm mostly posting this as a reminder to myself that something so incredible is possible and that I don't want to lose it. Hopefully, this will be something we can pursue this year.

Pros of not having all the information

Humanity judges harshly all the time, especially when there's not enough information to come to an informed conclusion. This is often harmful to individuals and harmful to society. However, recently I had an experience when not having enough information was helpful. I went to a particular movie. I didn't expect much. The trailer looked like it would be an interesting premise and contained some suspense. It seemed like it would be fun to go to this show. I ended up LOVING the movie, just loving it. First of all, there was a pop concert element to the movie. It was so involved that I thought the filmmaker was brilliant, that they had almost produced this whole other simultaneous movie due to how far they went to show a good and realistic pop concert.

It certainly seemed like they had done a great amount of research and had spared no expense in producing a believable concert experience while another plot unfolded in the movie at the same time. I was impressed by that. Another thing that I loved was how strong the female characters were. This is very rare. Nobody was calling attention to this fact in the movie (such as the song Speechless in the non-animated version of Aladdin, which cheapens the idea of female empowerment IMO). However, all the good and strong characters in the film are women. These women are smart, thoughtful, interesting, careful, protective, talented, and compassionate. They are believable characters.

The plot feels playful with the viewer as well. You aren't just watching things unfold. It feels like you are personally being toyed with a bit as everything unfolds, all the way through the end of the movie. This is fantastic!

I immediately encouraged others to go see this show, said there was MUCH to talk about. Nobody I talked to did go see the show. My mom tried to see it but by the time that happened, it was no longer in theaters. My oldest son hadn't wanted to see it but kept coming across some buzz online about it and changed his mind, now wanting to see it, but this was also after it stopped being in theaters. It was while I was searching for any theater it might still be in that I came across many negative reviews. I was very curious. As one responder said to these bad reviews, "You DIDN'T like it? Did we even watch the same movie?!"

I indulged in the reddit rabbit-hole. It wasn't long into this that I discovered an interesting fact: The pop star putting on the concert in the movie was the writer & producer's daughter. OH!!! The lights clicked on. When I was impressed with the concert element of the film, it wasn't because the producer researched and put their heart and soul into providing an authentic concert experience to the viewers, it was because the writer & producer wanted to showcase their own daughter's talents.

That really changed things. Now I knew the purpose of the movie was the concert and the rest of the thriller plot was thrown in so that the concert could happen. This shifts everything! Hmmm...well, I was glad that I didn't know this when I saw the movie because I liked seeing everything play out without knowing that the writer/producer and one of the main characters were father-daughter. I liked viewing the show without having all the information. Everything was more impressive that way.

Expert Opinion & Unconventional Education

What makes somebody an expert? I was reading a book recently and the author claims to have worked in the mental health field and have a PhD. Many interested readers did some research and say she didn't attend an accredited college & shouldn't be working with people in this capacity, that she's not qualified. Some readers even claim she's not qualified to share stories and offer opinions (but it was a memoir, not a mental health guidebook). This all got me thinking. The mental health profession is an area where I do think it's more important to be qualified and have a regulated education. Any kind of health profession is justified in having standard requirements.

What about economics though? I have a bachelors & masters degree in economics and a doctorate degree in political economics. I went to an unaccredited college to finish up all of these degrees. Originally, the biggest reason I went to this school was because of the affordability. I didn't care that it wasn't accredited. Finishing my degrees was something that would be meaningful to me personally and this was the best economical choice for accomplishing this. I had 3 years of college classes in accredited colleges beforehand. However, once I started getting back into school at this UNaccredited school, I was blown away with the difference, blown away in a good way. The first thing I loved was that all of the requirements for every degree were laid out and classes were taken online. I did not have to take Economics 4020 for the time period of 1 semester for example.

I knew all the information I had to read to complete the course, all the papers I had to satisfactorily write for the course, and once I completed these requirements, I would receive credit. If I got it done in one month, I would get credit for the course. If it took me a year, I would get credit for the course at that time. Interestingly enough, when working on my bachelor's degree, I knew everything that would be required for getting a masters and a doctorate at the same time. There were certain topics that really lit my fire. If I was having a very intense experience, for instance, learning about the Constitution, its history, and the affect it was having on the financial policies of our country and I completed all the requirements for my bachelors degree (Constitution 3100), I didn't have to be done with learning and put out the fire. I was not officially enrolled in the masters program yet but I knew that I could forge forward, do all the reading and write all the papers for Constitution 5100. I just saved them on my computer and kept learning all about these topics until I felt satisfied and/or ready to move on to something else. I would save all the higher level writing assignments for Constitution 5100, knowing I couldn't submit any of them until I was officially enrolled in the masters program.

Once I DID enter the masters program officially, I had a good chunk of the work completed and the same is true for once I officially entered the program for my doctorate, although there were far more rigorous assignments for the doctorate program and many things I couldn't do until I was officially in the program. Honestly, I spent about 10 hours a day on school at least 4-5 days per week and I did this for about 2 years to complete my bachelors, masters, and doctorate. Here's the thing though: the education I got cannot be beat. It was a true & pure education. I felt so passionate about all that I was learning that I regularly began and completed side research projects on most subjects that I studied. I wrote extra papers. I engaged in additional exchanges with my professor and my thirst for knowledge and my satisfaction for obtaining it was unquenchable. My professor said he's never had anybody complete the programs in the timeframe that I had so I know my experience was not the standard experience. For my thesis, I did not have to defend it in front of a panel. I had to submit it in bits & pieces and would get written feedback and had to revise accordingly until all the parts were acceptable and approved. When it came to some of the writing projects for my doctorate degree, they nearly broke me. I was at the brink of concepts my brain could really grasp and the edge of what I felt capable of academically. There were nights that I cried myself to sleep, not believing that I could finish school after all because of how challenging the subject matter was to me. After submitting many papers that were rejected, I had several very long phone calls with my professor, a man who refused to give me answers to fill in the blanks I was struggling with but would guide me to find the answers myself (which are not published in anything I could find). I'm not saying that because I was frustrated, my degrees were earned. I'm saying that the requirements were not lowered just because it was an unaccredited school. There was nothing easy about getting my degrees. There were no shortcuts.

I did not simply pay for a degree I did not put the work into. I know that this whole process and timeline is all very unconventional. I didn't plan to tell anybody about my education. I didn't plan, directly, to use it professionally. It was just a personal pursuit that was important to me. Over time and partially due to my rigorous study schedule, some people did find out about it. Of those who have found out, some have been supportive. Some have made comments that make it clear they don't believe I got a "real" education. I didn't do it in the traditional way-I understand that. Does this mean I'm disqualified from having an educated opinion? Is an accredited education the only one that qualifies somebody to be an expert? (I'm certainly not saying I am an expert, just simply asking questions about what the qualifications to be one are.) We have access to the best information on all subjects that's ever been available in human history. Are we truly only qualifying education if the information we're exposed to comes from an accredited school? It's more likely that the information we get from an accredited school is manipulated information than the information we get elsewhere. Accredited schools have agendas, sponsors, large payrolls, and so many other things affecting them. They can be amazing as well, considering industry standards, distributing information that ensures employability, and just providing overall educational standards. There are pros and cons.

I do want to mention a change in my approach to eduation, which happened in my first 3 years of school at an accredited college. I was taking history from a professor named John McCormick. He said that he would never teach us or test us on a list of dates and names because a few years down the road, we wouldn't remember any of it and it would not matter. He said he would teach us and test us on the history of ideas because that is hopefully what we'd remember long-term and that is what actually mattered. This changed my personal approach to education. I don't try to memorize the trivial things. I try to learn and incorporate the main ideas and thoughts of a subject. For instance, when it comes to economics, I don't obsess over the formulas. I have no interest in pursuing econometrics, the mathematical analytics for economics. I'm glad some people are into that but it's not for me. I am interested in our nation's views and practices in managing money and in the government's role in those practices. I'm interested in how other countries have approached these same things. I'm interested in state and federal policies and how these affect the average citizen. I'm interested in the history of inflation, not just the rates alone but what was going on politically to change inflation? How did the Federal Reserve come to be and what can we learn from deep diving into their history? They've been around now for 111 years-do they make the nation economically stronger or economically weaker? Knowing the formulas, while helpful in some ways, in my opinion will not have as profound of an affect on worldwide economics as understanding how policies in a country change the economics of a country. That's what I like to focus on.

In theory, I get paid more at my job for having higher degrees but my job does NOT recognize my degrees beyond two Associates Degrees, obtained at accredited schools. I cannot take the same pathway to become a teacher as somebody who got the same higher degrees as I got but from an accredited school. So far, professionally, my degrees do nothing for me. If I were to change jobs and bring my degrees into play, there is no standard way to approach it. In some places, an unaccredited degree is useless. In some industries, it's acceptable. Apparently, in 11 states, it's illegal to list a degree from an unaccredited college on your resume (but not in my state).

There are many offshoots to this consideration. I often go back to the question of "What is an education?" If you believe it's about learning, there is room for unconventional pathways. If you believe it's about uniformity, one strict path, or checkboxes, there is not room for unconventional pathways. If you believe being an expert means having meaningfully explored a subject matter deeply, there is room for opinions that come from people who took unconventional pathways. However, if you believe being an expert means one must have checked off all the accredited requirement boxes, there is no room for somebody with my educational background.

Man on the Moon

This is a long story so buckle up and strap in (if anybody ever actually lands here-ha ha). My neighbors stopped me last night when I was walking our dog and invited me to join in a convo with 3 other couples. One neighbor started right away with, "Do you believe that a man has really been to the moon?" I hesitatingly (because of previous experience expressing my true thoughts) answered, "I kind of DON'T believe that we've really put anybody on the moon" and she got excited because that's what her husband has recently concluded. He got excited and said, "Have you been watching the Tik Tok videos on that, too?" I joked around and said, "No. Is that where YOU get all your reliable information?" and like the special individual I am, that kind of killed that line of convo. I didn't mean it condescendingly. I meant to add some light-heartedness to a serious topic that I actually really love-mmm, conspiracy theories! Yummy! However, my execution can always use a whole lot of work.

I was overthinking about all of this, like I do. I started wondering when it was exactly that I started believing they did not really put a man on the moon and I couldn't pinpoint it but every time I hear the R.E.M. song Man on the Moon, I kind of think-ha ha, this song is clever but never did an analysis on it. Well, today was the day. I looked up the lyrics, did quick research on every topic within the song-Mott thh Hoople, Andy Kaufman, his wrestling gig and relationship with Fred Blassie and their movie, the Egyptian asp (snake), which is rumored to be the method Cleopatra used to kill herself, etc. I looked up all the things. I knew the first two chorus lines-If you believe they put a man on the moon...If you believe there's nothing up their sleeve...but I didn't even realize the chorus ends with "Then nothing is cool" so they are drawing a line in the sand for people that just believe at face value. There are so many other nods to pop culture, Elvis, people faking their own deaths, even the line, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" is based on Kurt Cobain's use of the word "yeah." I was reading R.E.M.'s comments about the song and how Mike Mills had said about Kaufman, "He's the perfect ghost to lead you through this tour of questioning things. Did the moon landing really happen? Is Elvis really dead? He was kind of an ephemeral figure at that point so he was the perfect guy to tie all this stuff together..."

I've mentioned before that I like to read things but stay for the comments. On https://www.songfacts.com/lyrics/rem/man-on-the-moon, the first comment is this story (edited to shorten slightly): Michellemiller from Buda, Texas wrote-"I was confused about truth and lies at the very beginning of Covid...My cousin visited for the first time ever and we talked about how coincidences are not coincidental at all. She went home the following day. Next day my husband and I chat for a moment as he was making his way to work about Jim Carrey and his role as Andy Kaufman in the Movie man on the Moon. Shortly after he leaves. I begin going through my books on a bookshelf and from my first Bible falls a movie ticket. It’s the stub for the movie Man on the Moon when I saw it in theaters in 1999. On the back I wrote the three people I went to see it with and the town which was Plainview, Texas. One of the names was my cousin who had just visited. I called to tell her about the coincidence..As I told her about it I shared the part that we watched it together when I visited her in Plainview. She was shocked because when she got home the night before from our visit she watched a movie with her kids, she was telling them about Jim Carrey and decided to watch Man on the Moon because she vaguely remembered enjoying it. She said she was trying to remember who she saw it with and I call her the very next day with the answer, literally pre planned 21 years earlier by no coincidence. The next day was my sons 16th birthday so with Covid in full effect we were limited to options for celebration so he decided we would order burgers from fudruckers. As we sat in the parking lot waiting for our burgers to be cooked I told him about this crazy Man on the Moon story. He was also shocked. After the story the food was ready so I went inside to pay while he added his fixings to his burger. There was music playing inside but I didn’t notice until we exited into the strange silence of Covid and no one being in public that the song on the speakers kept playing in my subconscious after we exited. It was REMs Man on the Moon. We went back inside to verify it, and in fact it was that song...One more thing, one of the first microbiologist to buck the narrative of Covid saying it’s a hoax and only real because we choosing gullibility to believe it is real claimed it has never been proven or seen under a microscope and contradicts every scientific fact regarding viruses prior to its inception. Well his name is Dr. Andy Kaufman. Dr. Kaufman is also a psychologist that clearly recognizes the manipulation being played out on a gullible world over trusting and lacking curiosity for truth. Another funny non coincidence is that Dr. Andy Kaufman’s theory is called Operation MoonShot." I looked this up and sure enough, Dr. Andrew Kaufman can be all verified with Operation Moonshot.

This is not a post taking a stand on anything. It's just a post about an interesting experience and learning journey. Also, the song to me means to question things. Don't just believe anything at face value or on the news or on social media. Look into it for yourself and a little doubt along the way is not a bad thing. Never stop asking questions! Also, did they really put a man on the moon? What do you think?

Various thoughts

I was reading the book The Parasitic Mind, which I found mediocre overall but there were a few golden nuggets to glean. These are some of my notes from it: *Pg. 96..."an increase in the extent to which one's immune system has been compromised by illness over a given time period, the more likely one is to prefer spicy foods." Basically, if somebody has struggled with immunity, they may like spicy foods more and the spices offer an antimicrobial protection against foodborne pathogens. This is an interesting idea I hope to spend more time on in the future. The book goes on to say that opposing viewpoints are like an immune system. Opposition builds strength...society is having their immunity stripped. *Pg. 100...Universities..."Today the minimization of hurt feelings among preferred groups is fundamentally more important...than the pursuit of truth. The creation of safe spaces supersedes free speech and intellectual enrichment." This is the idea that if any thoughts or beliefs are put out there that could even be interpreted as hurting anybody else's feelings, they should be abandoned to protect a safe space. Without wading through the good, the bad, and the ugly, truth becomes trickier to find and recognize. *"murder of the truth" There was a study of rape done with a presupposed outcome in mind that suggested a kind of racism. During the study, no rape occurred. That should have been great news but instead the conclusion was drawn that thse men hate these women even too much to rape them...this distorts the truth and twists a narrative into place. Also along the lines of racism, it was written, "Being kind and tolerant is a form of racism in the eco-system of the university campus." These are just ideas I've been introduced to and I want to dive in deeper when I have a chance. *Martin Luther King Jr. said, "A time comes when silence is betrayal." I think we have to know when to stand up for something. Also, MLK Jr. was a powerful example of always standing for justice with peace and love. We don't have to use hate to take a powerful stand. You can make a greater impact with love and non-violent approaches.

More substitution considerations

So I did something at work this week that I have not done in 7 years...I used the faculty restroom. I've just been holding it in all these years because I don't like to use restrooms away from home and I already feel uncomfortable in random schools all the time. It was glorious. I had been drinking plenty of water and even though I went several times at home before I had to leave, I had to go at school, too. I grew more uncomfortable as the day went on. On my lunch break, I went for it. I only had one class left after that but it was remarkable how much more comfortable I felt. I could stand or sit or walk around. However, I had two more days of working at the same school so I've proceeded to stop drinking any water because I sure don't want to do that again.

I've been subbing for the same teacher all week. Today's assignment in all classes was for everybody to pair up and have a documented mini debate about women's suffrage. One person had to be for it and one person had to be against it, both using arguments from this time period. From an educational standpoint, this was a fantastic assignment! I saw students immediately engage and behavior problems disappeared.

I did a little research of my own and was shocked to find out that Massachusetts was the first state that tried to pass a measure to allow women to vote and 200 women came out to protest-it never passed. I have always pictured men protesting women voters but much of the early opposition came more from women, at least publicly. For the downside, this assignment posed some ethical questions as the day went on. One reflective student seemed frustrated all during class and said to another student, "This is a dumb assignment. It just pits the boys and girls against each other. No girl today will say women shouldn't vote and no guys are going to bend over backwards to defend women's rights."

I heard other comments such as, "This is just a way to divide us more" and in a few classes, I kept hearing VERY sexist remarks. It was in groups of guys and they'd support and encourage each other. Girls glared or whispered to their girl friends that they hope he never has a wife or daughters but were not very loud about their disgust. I mediated as best I could and found myself saying that I hope a lot of what I was hearing was for the sake of the assignment and would not be a part of life outside of the classroom today.

There were people who broke the molds. There were a few boys during the day that DID battle for women's rights to vote and they were vocal and sometimes challenged some of the sexist remarks that were said. Some girls did take the side against women voting and I heard a lot of different reasons, including, "I don't even care about any of this. I wouldn't put a lot of energy into changing it one way or another." People are certainly entitled to feel that way, men or women. This is just a situation that makes me question where the balance lies. It was an assignment that helped people engage more but was what they were learning helpful? Should there be assignments that focus on gender or do those just divide us more? I'm not sure what the answers are.

The flaws of Darwin

I read the book Groupthink by Christopher Booker. I didn't agree with everything in it but the more I thought about his ideas and my experiences, many of his writings were more accurate than I first wanted to recognize.

He's clearly against organized religion and I belong to one but groupthink does affect our religion, even if that doesn't interfere wholly with the tenets of belief. Groupthink does contribute problems even to religion. It contributes problems to educational institutions as well, no matter how great the ideals one might be founded on are.

One of my favorite parts of the book deals with Darwin's theory of evolution. Darwin himself suggested there were four problems with his theory that could cause him to concede he was wrong. They were: 1. The absence of 'intermediate forms' (Darwin found no fossils that show transitional stages of one form of life evolving into another. Darwin hoped if more fossils were found, this could be laid to rest but this hasn't completely happened, although there are some scientific communities that suggest there ARE more transitional fossils. Different groups are defining transitional fossils with variations that make it hard to draw definite conclusions).

2. Evolutionary leaps or the appearance of complex organs (These are organs in which all the parts must work interdependently for them to function efficiently. Again, Darwin hoped with more fossil discoveries, this could be addressed but it's still questionable if it really has been.),

3. The compound eye as a particular example (Darwin said that "to suppose that the eye with all its inimitable contrivances..could have been formed by natural selection seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree." Darwin thought that he just didn't understand natural selection well enough to explain this.)

and 4. The Cambrian explosion (Darwin can't explain, especially through the gradual process of evolution, how there are only 3 simple animal phyla pre-Cambrian times and then at least 26 animal phyla during the Cambrian period but in the half a billion years since, only 4 more animal phyla have been added. Where did all of the new phyla come from and how did they evolve into the complexities of creatures on the earth? Darwin thought there would be more fossils deeper in the earth that could later explain this but it hasn't happened.).

In spite of these flaws, which I have never heard of being discussed in school, people have embraced this theory of evolution so strongly that anybody who disagrees or even asks questions is discredited by the scientific community. In 1993, a group of scientists got together in California (including Dean Kenyon). They had all concluded through their own studies that natural selection could not explain many things about our world. There is evidence of information of a logical structure or some form of intelligence contributing to much of what was occurring. This was considered the early part of 'intelligent design.' It was not relgious. It was entirely science-based. In 1996 the biochemist Michael Behe used the phrase 'irreducible complexity and published supporting information in the book Darwin's Black Box.

This included scientific arguments for intelligent design and some US newspapers gave positive reviews but many others were dismissive and claimed 'intelligent design' was just trying to smuggle in a religious explanation for evolution, although no religious ideas or views were suggested in the book. At this point Darwinians lumped intelligent design ideas in with 'creationism', grouped up with the ACLU to sue to keep this from public schools. The judge said this was a way to teach disguised religion and it should never be taught in schools. The ironic conclusion to these events is that by banning the scientific ideas of intelligent design, calling them religious in nature when they were strictly scientific, now those studying evolution must only come to believe it by taking giant leaps of faith

because that theory as it stood contained huge holes and gaps that could not be explained.

The Theatre Kids

I didn't get involved at all with theatre when I was in school. Sometimes the kids involved were labeled weird or dramatic. None of that really bothered me and I never teased anybody in theatre. It's more that it was just kind of a foreign thing to me. There was nothing that led me in that direction. As an adult, I kind of see the theatre kids with fresh eyes and think that I would have fit in there. It is a warm, welcoming, inviting place for all, free of judgment and bursting with creativity. I substituted a theatre class on Thursday and just want to say that it was AMAZING (emphasis on the zing)!!!

I keep thinking back to all the little things of the day. Each class had different improv exercises they worked on. The last class was doing half-life and a character emerged, Cleveland the Cow. "I'm Cleveland the Cow..." As we rotated through different exercises-onion, freeze, interpreter, hitchhiker and machine, Cleveland the Cow kept having a front and center roll. A plot began to develop. Carter the Caterpillar came on the scene and the two of them had a budding but school-appropriate romance brewing. The students were getting very creative with both the ways they incorporated Cleveland and Carter as well as the unfolding of a story of these creatures. When the student in charge for the day was exasperated about the overuse of Cleveland the Cow, students adapted and started saying, they were calling from Cleveland (in interpreter) or going to Cleveland in hitchhiker. As time went on, the students came up with a plan. First of all they would dress up like their teacher for his return next week. Also, they would refer to Cleveland and Carter but they would act like it's a popular show on TV and they would bring it up and talk about it a lot to see if the teacher catches on and how he responds. They panicked and asked if I was going to be able to keep the secret. Creative students were thinking of constructive and healthy ways to have fun and I had a blooming opportunity to destroy everything...but how does that reward healthy creativity? I thought they had a brilliant plan that endeared me to those students. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in that class on Monday. I would love to see everything unfold. If this is how one day in theatre goes, what would a whole year there look like?

Passion Project Community

I remembered something I had wanted to write about. Last year during an hour & a half long drive in the car, my kids started asking each other this: if you were in charge of creating a world or community, how would you do it? What would the rules be? What would the living arrangements be? What would the consequences be if somebody didn't follow the rules? How would you rehabilitate people with problems? They covered a variety of ideas with this. As somebody would present their ideas, the other kids would ask for more information about certain aspects or reveal how the plan might not go as smoothly as you would think. Based on this, we heard plans get revised and more solutions were considered. Each of our kids had some ideas that were different and some that were the same. It got pretty interesting and I felt like it was a proud mom moment. I LOVED hearing my kids have this discussion unprovoked in the back of the car!

Eventually, my daughter asked me my thoughts on this and I had recently come across beautiful ideas in the book The Cleansing of America by W. Cleon Skousen. Some of the ideas are based on the Founding Fathers, particularly Thomas Jefferson's views. Basically, the first thing is to take inventory of the people. How many families are there? Anybody married is a family. If you're an adult but not yet married, you would be considered part of your parents' family until marriage. (Of course this is where I branch off a litle. I'm okay with adults being counted as part of the parents' family but would also advocate some space and independence for them. Maybe they live on the same property but in their own structure, etc. Putting them together would be for support purposes but they should also be aptly considered viable and independent to the extent they desire.) Figure out how to get good leadership in place. The example here is that every 10 adults pick somebody to represent them. Every 50 adults pick somebody to represent them. Every 100 adults, pick somebody to represent them. Out of 600,000 adults (such as in Moses' time and according to what's understood about this system then), there would be 78,000 representatives. 1 rep per 10= 60,000, 1 rep per 50=12,000 more, 1 rep per 100=6,000 more for a total of 78,000 reps. That really helps represent everybody's true interest. Divide people into communities of 100 adults and allow them as much opportunity as possible to self-govern. Public lands get divided so that every adult has their own adequate and equal space. Each of these communities would develop their own schools, their own militia, their own justice situation, their own welfare program, their own roads, their own police, their own jury selection system, their own town hall and elections. When there is a close-knit group like this and somebody in the community starts to struggle, a lot of care and effort will be put into helping that person. It becomes a situation where everybody is really looking out for everybody else. Thomas Jefferson's version of this is called a ward republic.

Idealistically, this is a beautiful proposal. As you dive in, it gets more complicated. How do you keep this system in place, particularly as communities have children that turn into adults and grow? Do you let the community of 100 turn into whatever it ends up as when everybody there grows up or do you constantly re-figure the communities to max out at 100? There are pros and cons to both ideas. What if people don't comply with the system of representation? What if communities start to compete and/or corrupt themselves or others? This, is of course, the problem with every idea that seems good as an ideal but it seems flawed when put into practice. However, this is the basic idea for a possible way to set up a community that includes local control, good representation, and neighbors really looking out for each other.

Now shift to this week. My daughter and I were out and we got into a discussion about ideal communities again. I brought up the idea of a place where the community let everybody in society pursue what they're passionate about for a year when they turn 20 and supports them. Give everybody reasonable resources to pursue their passion and see how much it would change society. A passion project is a piece of work or an endeavor that someone gets involved in because they love it or feel it is very good and important, not in order to make money. It demonstrates your initiative, creativity, determination, and personal values and interests. It should be something that would inspire and excite you. Some examples include starting a non-profit charity, small business, or blog, building an online community around an issue, doing independent research, writing a book, or making a film. Because of the idea that something is created and it revolves around what matters to somebody, it's likely to contribute to the building up of a society in tangible and intangible ways.

My daughter talked to me about the two ideas that she'd be torn between (making a docu-series that covers social issues she's concerned about or creating a tiny house community that offers up solutions for the current housing crisis). We talked through lots of details and then another idea hit me. What if you could also do another year of pursuing a passion when you turn 50? Sometimes when you're 20, there's a lot about life you don't know about. By 50, you might have learned about things you never even knew existed when you're 20 so you should get another chance to pursue something then. This would keep people's vitality, too, at an age often associated with burnout. Plus, I think many 50 year-olds could do things that would really affect the community for good and this goodness would help the community embrace an older part of society more and realize their value. This is all just ideals, not real day-to-day life but it was fun to think about and fun to talk about.